Microsoft Counters Live Outages With Free Game

January 4th, 2008 · 7 Comments

XboxLive.jpgAs many of you know, Microsoft experienced serious sporadic service outages over the week spanning Christmas and New Years Day. There have been many rumors saying the outages were the result of deliberate malicious Denial of Service attacks but in true Microsoft fashion, that’s neither being confirmed nor denied.

Microsft issued a press release saying Xbox Live Gold and Silver members will all be given a free (undisclosed) game to “make up” for their troubles. Sarcastic Gamer has uncovered not only what new game we’ll be getting, but who we believe is responsible for these attacks on Xbox Live.

Our undercover reporter overheard unspecified Microsoft executives discussing the plan to “make right” for their service outages and caught a few interesting exchanges before being spotted and removed by building security. It’s now being reported that the new free game is something “everyone can play” and it would “be highly immune to any Xbox Live issues in the future” which at first only led us to believe it will be a solely single player Xbox Live Arcade game.

Find out who is responsible and what we’ll be getting free after the jump…

We contacted one of our Microsoft moles in the accounts payable department and after buttering her up with a prepaid Cinnabon gift card and an over-sized luffa, we learned that Microsoft recently placed an order in excess of $3.2M to the Bicycle Playing Card Company. It’s important to note that this wasn’t to their digital entertainment division that puts out card and parlor games for PC, but actual, traditional, plastic coated cardboard playing cards.

Calls to Bicycle’s headquarters didn’t reveal any useful information at first, but upon later audio analysis in the Sarcastic Gamer Labs we picked up on someone in the background saying “Get those hacker-kids back on the phone, this worked out better than we could’ve dreamed!”

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I have to say, given the choice between another damned Joust redemption code and a deck of cards, well, I’d always take the deck of cards. There no word at this time if the decks will be Poker decks or Pinochle decks but you can rest assured, when Sarcastic Gamer knows, you’ll know.

I’ll tell you what, if it’s another Pinochle deck, I’m gonna be pissed. WTF is Pinochle anyway?

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  • Tags: fake news

    7 responses so far ↓

    • 1 Doc // Jan 4, 2008 at 3:33 pm

      Oh wow a Texas Holdem Starter Set! Awesome!

    • 2 SquirlyDounut // Jan 4, 2008 at 3:37 pm

      lol nice, ill take a free hour of fun lol

    • 3 Ryan // Jan 4, 2008 at 4:28 pm

      Great. Cards. I’d rather Major Nelson send me a hand written apology.

    • 4 Sean "rothbart" Workman // Jan 4, 2008 at 5:24 pm

      Ryan, I’ve been in the same room with the guy… trust me. You don’t want anything he’s touched.

    • 5 clstirens // Jan 4, 2008 at 5:32 pm

      ???

      What does that mean, rothbart? (I’m scared)

    • 6 Sean "rothbart" Workman // Jan 4, 2008 at 5:50 pm

      The guy _oozes_ smarminess and Pr-ick. Oh wow, what a happy accident. I really meant PR “ick”, but Pr-ick works too.

    • 7 Chase // Jan 4, 2008 at 6:31 pm

      Can we get a set with naked girls on them?

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