Fresh from a recent on-air tirade against Mass Effect, Fox News set its sights today on Super Mario Galaxy for the Wii. Calling the game “a danger to children”, the network pulled no punches in its objective evalutation of the game.
Fox News director,
“Super Mario Galaxy represents a serious danger to children. In the game, Mario engages in full frontal bouncing, stomping, and the collection of stars that bare a striking resemblance to PCP. It’s flagrant drug endorsement by Nintendo! We’re also convinced that this alleged plumber is totally nude under his overalls… Research from several respected institutions shows that children can not tell the difference between a naked plumber and a fully clothed one. It’s just a travesty, that parents all over America should put a stop to immediately.”
In an effort to protet its family-friendly public image, Nintendo has pulled remaining copies of the game, and will reissue the title once they’ve”adjusted” Mario’s character to be more in line with Fox News’ standards for video game acceptability.
“Mario’s profession is going to change just a bit. Instead of being a plumber, we’re going to roll him out as a Baptist Preacher. His overalls are being exchanged for an eskimo outfit that shows exactly zero skin, and finally, that mustache has got to go. Everyone knows that facial hair sets a bad example. Oh and we’re changing his name as well. He’s going to be called ‘Dan’ from now on, to help demonstrate our commitment to bending to the wishes of every socially conservative individual or organization.”
Look for copies of the family-friendly re-issue of the game, now called “Super Dan Galaxy” in stores on April 1st.
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9 responses so far ↓
1 Iffo // Jan 25, 2008 at 11:06 am
LOL! It’s hilarious!! …and kinda sad too.
2 Cube // Jan 25, 2008 at 11:41 am
OH my god fox news is right! Only they did not play through the whole game again.
They missed the hidden .
?Hot lava mod? secret!!!. They should have played this game more and the ESRB missed it good thing I caught the signs from fox news and went looking for it!. They better pull it and give it an AO or I will sue Nintendo for everything.
Playing the game on the hidden XTRA tuff difficulty unlocks this extra stage to accesses xtra tuff hold the wiimote on your head and jump up and down 40 times then do 14 jumping jacks with the wii control and nunchuck in your pants. Then push ABABABABABAB. Then fail your arms around like a 5 year old with the 2nd wii controller in hand.
If done correctly Yoshi koopa bowser and birdo will be more naked, with full frontal nudeyness but yoshi still wears boots meaning he has a foot and sock and oral fetish that bowser is all to happy to help him out with if he pleasures his ?capture and bondage? fetish he is getting bored of the whole princess deal. This is appalling hidden game content leads to many sexual interactive minigames!!
After children and teens find this code it’s only a matter of time before the hot Bowser brido koopa action starts 99 hours into the game if you find the ?hidden sex warp? whistle in the ?lava hot tub of love ?in bowsers castle and if you beat the game in less than 1 hour you will see princess peach with out her ?power armor dress? and she will join in on the Yoshi bowser birdo action. This game content will be the down fall of man kind!!!
This will lead in the end after 6 more hours of game play to the Mario series shocking dirty secret Brido was once a man! Every kid will think it is ok to cross dress this is dangerous to all children.
Thank god fox news was there to show me the warning signs. I salute you fox news with out you I never would have known what my kids was doing with my game when I was not at home! I have no power of my own to check these game with out you or put the game away from my kids! No more Mario in my house!
3 DazC91 // Jan 25, 2008 at 11:54 am
The sad thing about this is that i wouldn’t be supised if this did actually happen on monday
4 Rae // Jan 25, 2008 at 2:47 pm
you had me going for a while there…
5 Angry Ben // Jan 25, 2008 at 4:02 pm
You know this is exactly what is wrong with games today! It’s like games have become one great big drag paraphernalia object. I bet 10 years from now those smacktards who make gaming consoles will be putting god knows what into the X-box 720 or PS11.
I think we should be ready for the day when little timmy tourettes boy opens his new Turddddd (Nintendo’s new Wii) and along with the console he will find half a pound of crack and Mac inspired Wii like crack pipe you can plug in and sit around in a virtual crack house with all your favorite Mario characters and smoke up and claw each others eyes out to unlock the Asian opium den. It will be run by Mario’s long lost Chinese half brother Chingario who besides the opium den is also a human trafficker and is constantly trying to buy peach off Mario as his personal love slave.
Wont someone think of all the children!!!!!
6 Angry Ben // Jan 25, 2008 at 4:05 pm
opps!!!! I meant Drug paraphernalia not drag! But hey who knows maybe they will be trying to make our kids cross dressers!!
7 Wii60forever // Jan 25, 2008 at 5:59 pm
I HATE YOU FOX NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8 Alecsander_C // Jan 25, 2008 at 10:12 pm
I hate fox news, but we don’t get it here in Mexico ^_^
I just realized, why are they so shocked about nudity? It’s just… a cartoon if you will on mass effect. It doesn’t even have genitals (real)
and aren’t you supposed to give the sex speech to kids around the age of 11???
I remember that was the time my folks talked to me bout sex
9 Nalta // Jan 26, 2008 at 10:42 am
We’re also convinced that this alleged plumber is totally nude under his overalls…
ya there right
but aren’t we all naked under our cloths?
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