Edtior’s Note: The thoughts expressed within this article are the sole province of the writer. While we, at Sarcastic Gamer, sympathize with the author’s plight, we do not wholeheartedly agree with it, but we do hope you enjoy it.
The other day, I was at work spending my 10 o’clock break outside with the other ’smoker girls’ who work in my building. As usual, the mood was bitter, due to the fact that it was -24′C (-11′F) outside and because it was Monday. As is so often the case at times like these, one of my friends decided to brighten up the mood with some light-hearted man-bashing:
“Ugh - my boyfriend got this new video game this weekend. All he did for the ENTIRE WEEKEND was play that stupid game! He totally ignored me! He didn’t even say, ‘Oh baby, don’t go yet’ or walk me to the bus stop like he usually does when I finally gave up and decided to leave! What a jerk.”
As convention would dictate, the rest of us girls nodded our heads and muttered words of understanding. We’ve all been there, literally: every single female in my age bracket that I have spoken to on the subject has complained (and complained, and complained) about having dated a gamer and been a so-called gaming widow. I myself have felt the loneliness, frustration, and, yes, the rage which comes from feeling that your feminine goodies can’t stand up to the allure of little animated guys on a screen.
Yet, my current relationship with the illustrious “PMPB” faces none of these obstacles. How do we do it? How can a man, who plays for many, many more hours a week than most, possibly keep a non-gaming, short attention span-afflicted, attractive and desirable young woman like myself from slamming the door in his jargon-spewing, calloused-thumb face? Read on, gentlemen, and learn. The truth may not be pretty, but it may just save you from another six months of cold shoulders and lonely nights.
Read and be saved, after the jump!
Now, I like to consider myself a fairly reasonable gal, so, before I launch into any kind of tirade on behalf of my gender I will make a few key concessions. I myself have played video games, and at various points in my life have actually considered myself a real fan of several among them. Tony Hawk, for example, when it first came out (though I really liked the soundtrack on that one, so maybe that’s the reason), and there was a few months when I really liked Quake online (KGB was my handle, and I really, really sucked). And I spent a good portion of my Bachelor’s degree immersed in Civilization II (though at the time I was desperate for something to help me procrastinate on writing my papers).
Even now, I’m thankful for having Sudoku on my cell phone in case my bus gets stuck in traffic, along with Solitaire on my computer at work on those days when my brain won’t wake up until noon. So don’t call me a hater, ’cause I have seen the appeal, and I truly, honestly understand why y’all like gaming so much.
It’s fun! I get that. I would even go as far as saying that there are certain benefits to dating a gamer: nimble fingers, for one, as well as hours and hours of virtual combat experience (if aliens ever do invade, I know where to get the guns, and I trust that PMPB will know how to shoot them).
On the other hand, don’t take my compassion and understanding as any kind of acceptance towards guys who won’t put down the controller, or keyboard when their girl comes around. She knows you play - if she feels the sudden desire to try her hand at the new shooter or racer, she knows where to find you. So if she hasn’t expressed such a desire, take a clue - she’s not interested, so for God’s sake she does not want to watch you play!
Gaming is NOT a spectator sport. Watching someone try and try to make it through the one same spot in a level six dozen times is both boring and frustrating. It’s like watching a dog run around and try to jump over a fence for two hours. And if the game has loud, monotonous sound effects, it’s like having that dog be barking its head off the whole time! If RTS games are your thing (see, I even know a bit of the lingo), then whoa boy, you better pay attention: there is absolutely NOTHING more mind-numbing than watching someone sort through countless menus while repeatedly clicking on a map. I thought my job was boring! I might as well be spending my Friday night watching someone edit a spreadsheet.
Now, some of you may at this point be making analogies with actual spectator sports, like hockey or football on TV. We have all heard those urban legends about girls who were forced to watch sports with their men and ended up actually becoming interested in what they were watching. Let me let you in on a little secret: girls learn to like watching sports when they realize that the athletes are hot. In the former case we have sweaty, angry (and rich) young men at the peak of male physical prowess, challenging each other to contests of strength. In the latter, there are animated wizards and ogres, challenging each other to contests of who can push buttons in the best possible combination. The viewing appeal is simply incomparable.
So there-in lies the magic, that has allowed PMPB and I to be happy despite our contrasting lifestyles: just don’t make her watch. Even if you are proud of yourself for finally beating that one f**king level or unlocking some crazy new character, and want desperately to show off your mastery to that special little lady, fight the urge! She will be bored, she will not understand the terminology you’re using, she will tune you out when you start to explain, and she will leave your house thinking, “Does he have brain damage? How can he spend so much time doing that? Do I have brain damage, for actually not smashing in the screen with my fabulous new boots?” Don’t let it come to this.
So here’s my advice: simply don’t play when your girl is around. If you have been doing so, stop now! She will see it as the act of a man who has his priorities straight and is compassionate in being able to see things from her point of view. She might even think it’s romantic. Either way, your chances of gettin’ some high-quality lovin’ will increase exponentially. Make your gaming widow into a gaming mistress!
So, when your woman is around, turn off the game, turn down the lights…and get this party started.
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14 responses so far ↓
1 Dejanus // Jan 8, 2008 at 5:59 pm
I disagree on many points, agree on more.
It was all worth it for the nimble fingers line. That made my day.
2 Alecsander_C // Jan 8, 2008 at 6:14 pm
I agree, but I’m a bit lucky the girl I’m interested in is a gamerette.
And I turn off the game when she comes around, I’d rather watch a movie with her.
But I must confess, that Wii winks at me too when I’m with her… sexy glowing slot.
3 Harag // Jan 8, 2008 at 6:37 pm
i found the perfect balance my girl friend plays with me and is interested in most of the games i paly we even take turns on some. tho i guess the fact the im willing to shut off that one level that F*CKING annoys me to watch a movie with her helps
4 D Wreck // Jan 8, 2008 at 7:51 pm
I had to find that balance a while back and until I did it was like I was cheating on her with vidjamagames. It even led to a break up thankfully finding that balance is much easier with good communication.
5 Andreas // Jan 8, 2008 at 8:17 pm
Oh! I get it.
On a side note, men feel the same way about the endless prattling of our women; like we care about your new dress. Ha.
6 Dan // Jan 8, 2008 at 10:03 pm
What would you say a guy should do if his ladyfriend asks if she can join in?
I was playing Soul Calibur a while back and a female friend asked if she could try. I asked if she was any good, she said she didn’t know. Later, one of her friends told me how dense I was not catching the hint.
7 Dan // Jan 8, 2008 at 10:43 pm
Also, What does PMPB mean? If one may ask.
8 Dexyn // Jan 8, 2008 at 11:23 pm
Pac Man Polar Bear. And on this topic, you make a lot of valid points. But I mean, I play a lot of games, and such, but I try to get girlfriends included and if they’re not having fun I would just gtfo and do something she likes.
9 Tweep // Jan 9, 2008 at 12:00 am
Just buy your wife/significant other/woman toy a copy of Puzzle Quest… Doesn’t matter for what system, just do it. Problem solved.
10 Stones // Jan 9, 2008 at 12:10 am
The point you are specifically making can be used to compare any activity that one party may be interested in but the second party couldn’t care less about. This is obviously not just one sided, women and men alike that deal with their significant other’s habits that they find annoying. But every relationship (friend, family, sexual) has this dynamic that needs to be addressed at some time before it affects them.
My take is if someone is willing to come over to waste time with me I better not just waste their time.
I used to live in a house with people who used to and probably still play WoW on a daily basis. This used to annoy me whenever I asked if anyone was interested in doing anything not involving that game and I would get complete silence. It was my choice to stop hanging out with those guys and eventually stopped living with them. I really like gaming, but if I’m offered to do something else other than play a video game I’ll usually do that particular activity. My friend invited me to hang out with him at a club he works at, and I hate clubs, but I did it because he’s my friend, also I found out it was his birthday.
I know it’s almost hopeless but I have yet to find a woman that enjoys playing non-casual games. It would be more fun and probably interesting to play any co-operative games like Halo 3 or something like that. I’ve found that most females are more responsive to games on the wii, and the only game on the Xbox 360 so far that I’ve got a good reaction to is Scene It.
Any way my point is that we understand most womans opinion on certain types of gaming and men should be more sensitive to their girlfriends if they know they don’t like video games. Either they compromise or break up the relationship themselves so not to upset either party. This goes for women too. Hopefully their is something that both parties have in common otherwise whats the point of being together other than not being alone. I’d rather be alone than miserable.
11 XxAdyxX // Jan 9, 2008 at 9:54 am
Well, I must say that this article was well written. I also must confess that I used to play video games for a time period a week that I felt was slightly excessive. Having admitted to that I have to say that I used that time as a means to escape from the pressures of the situations at hand and I can admit that. Having said that, let me say that it is also wrong for one person to control another person. If you believe that when you walk into the room, the world should stop and notice you, then perhaps you have some other clinical issues that need to be addressed. Also, women have an attitude that must be evolutionary in origin that men should make them the center of their attention regardless of the time of day, situation at hand, or activity engaged in. I say that if you are so insecure yourself that you need the constant recognition of someone else to make you feel good, you are also in need of some clinical help.
On the opposite side, when you like someone you like that person for who they are. If you married a NASCAR driver, would you expect him to stop racing cars? If you met a Firefighter, would you expect him to quit? Correct me if I am wrong but what we find entertainment in and how we express ourselves in our activities is what makes us unique. Apparently all women would just like all of us guys to sit on the couch waiting for each order to be called out so that we can eagerly jump to the occasion and make sure she has every need and desire attended to.
12 doro626 // Jan 9, 2008 at 10:46 am
When I spoke to a ladyI met about this very thing, I expalined that it is not meant to be a challenge to there sexuality. Sometimes men need to unplug and videogames provide that. A time when you dont have to worry about the troubles in your life. its not that were ignoring you, its that your demand on our attention at that time is just another problem that we are trying to escape.
If a man said lets sit and read together , even though you are reading two separate books you feel connected, but since (she) didnt relate to games, it was as if it were a mistress that she couldnt compete with. However I dont agree with those guys who neglect their relationships.
13 lio // Jan 9, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Nice Article… and I can sympathize with women who are annoyed by their boyfriend’s gaming habits… but there are always exceptions to the rule
I once had a girlfriend who was pretty much into Quake2 Rocket Arena (and she wasn’t too bad at it either)… she always wanted to come round and watch when I was playing a clan war so to her watching must have been fun in one way or another…
Personally I think some games (not RTS ones though…) can be fun to watch when someone else is playing but apparently most females don’t think so…
Care to write an article why most women don’t like (or pretend to not like) splatter movies?
I only know a couple of women who honestly say that they enjoy ‘Braindead’ (aka ‘Dead Alive’) but even if they are grossed out they still have to laugh but won’t admit that it was fun… maybe they are scared by the fact that they actually enjoyed something like that and hence can’t admit it
14 battery // Jun 21, 2008 at 3:14 am
a good read.
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