The Senate today announced a plan backed by President Bush to aid gamers facing the current lackluster economy. The Economic Stimulus plan (unofficially referred to by gamers as the “Joystick Stimulation Plan”) will entitle employed gamers to a Federal Rebate Check worth 10 next-gen games (or $600). Gamers may opt to forgo some of their 10 games to purchase any console they don’t currently own. Several gamers see this plan as their ticket to a Wii and seven Wii games (which has been dubbed the “All the good ones plus 3 stinkers” Wii plan).
More details after the jump…
Employed, married gamers have it even better under the new plan. They will be sent checks good for one 42″ 1080p LCD TV (and if they shop carefully this could also include a free Blu-ray player and 5 Blu-ray movies). Employed married gamers with kids also qualify for an additional Wii and game (or $300) per child. Retailers have already started preparing for the retail rush which is expected to be larger than Black Friday and the entire month of December.
Reception of this newly announced plan has been better than even the most optimistic expectations. Cafe Press has been deluged with gamers ordering “We Love Bush!” shirts and “Dubya Stimulated Me” bumper stickers. There’s even a grass-roots campaign underway to seek a change to the two-term limit for U.S. Presidents.
One anonymous forum poster commented “The guy’s been a complete idiot for the better part of a decade, but now that he finally gets us, we’re going to have to have to start over with the next yahoo that gets elected. It looks like they even want to ban video games!”
In possibly related news, Nintendo has announced they have quadrupled their number of assembly lines producing Wii and DS units in anticipation of this $150B gaming boost. Sony, on the other hand, is preparing to lower production so they’ll have an excuse for lower sales compared to their competitors. When contacted for comment Microsoft kept asking us if we knew anything about server loads and massively multiplayer networking systems. Alarms and screaming could be heard in the background before we were disconnected. Further attempts to contact them for comment resulted in “All circuits are busy” recordings.
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13 responses so far ↓
1 clstirens // Jan 25, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Lol, I forgot today was friday….
2 Some guy in a van // Jan 25, 2008 at 3:57 pm
“…will entitle employed gamers to a Federal Rebate Check worth 10 next-gen games (or $600)”
Current gen! CURRENT gen!
3 Tekknogun // Jan 25, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Love it, how do you come up with these things?
4 SilverTorch // Jan 25, 2008 at 4:28 pm
See, this would be a step in the right direction…. if you ignore the economy and debt that would occur because of it
5 Sean "rothbart" Workman // Jan 25, 2008 at 4:36 pm
@Some guy in a van: It’ll be “next-gen” in my book until there’s a _new_ next-gen.
6 Kachi // Jan 25, 2008 at 5:52 pm
XD Probably the best fake news ever.
7 NecrisJ1MM // Jan 25, 2008 at 5:59 pm
If only this were true! That gives me a good excuse to have kids!
wtf i just typed “swallowed band” into the captcha…
8 Kaworus_Lover // Jan 25, 2008 at 6:13 pm
Aren’t you guys supposed to come up with ridiculous stuff for the whole Fake news stuff? They actually are giving people checks worth up to about $600. Most of the info is actually true.
9 Pablos102030 // Jan 25, 2008 at 6:41 pm
I want 300 bucks…
10 patrick // Jan 25, 2008 at 8:08 pm
HERE YOU GO Kaworus_Lover
Next up on Fox News…Sex in Video Games.
Today we are looking at Ms. Pac Man.
Here’s some footage of the game in action.
Look at her eat those balls.
What is this doing to our children?
11 Alecsander_C // Jan 25, 2008 at 10:09 pm
Umm yeah my… mom is a gamer… and umm my dad is a married-employed gamer too
and umm my sister too, so that comes up to… whatever I say, and because I’m in Mexico… umm president Calderon is applying the same, and he’s going to take this program too, and…. ummm… if they’ve been married for over 25 years you get 60 dollars a month… so
LOL I like this idea
12 hentai2021 // Jan 26, 2008 at 6:52 am
i am willing to support this act, for my country.
13 Marc325 // Jan 29, 2008 at 4:01 pm
@Kaworus_Lover : This was fake news if you don’t believe me just ask the Senate if your getting the $600
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