Ever wonder how EA is able to crank out so many titles every year? On a quest for answers, I donned my Crysis nanosuit (available at a local K-Mart near you) and headed over to EA’s studio in Montreal, Quebec.

You’re not gonna believe what I found. Check it, after the jump!

After breaching the perimeter I quickly scaled the central office tower and peered through the skylight for a closer look at the EA production team. WTF? Zombies? Seriously, zombies are making EA’s games now! Yet, it all makes sense.

Hand cuffed to their cubicles, the mindless undead work tirelessly to produce the best EA has to offer. Upon further inspection, I noticed a cage in the back corner of the office labeled “Zombie Food.” Using my digital binoculars (again, available at your local K-Mart) I noticed several live people in the cage sporting name tags that read “Westwood” and “Origin.”

OMG! EA is feeding their zombie development team the staff from studios they have taken over! That does kinda explain how EA can apparently purchase great design teams, but never actually get any quality work out of them.

Is there no limit to EA’s evil? Scared senseless (the only thing scarier than zombies are clowns) I dove off the roof and made a bee line for the compound’s fence. Just as I cleared the gate, I looked back to see several people screaming as they were dragged towards the studios main door. I spied the name tags on these newest victims of EA’s zombie master plan, and was shocked to read “BioWare” and “Pandemic” among them.

Poor bastards, you’ll be in my prayers.

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