Reggie Fils-Aime’s secret stock of Wii’s was located early this morning by an elite group of Soccer Moms. The Fils-Aime compound was full of life as authorities raided his Wii fortress. They discovered millions of brand new Wiis in an underground lair beneath the estate in a hollowed out volcano in an island off the coast of Japan.

Interpol received a tip about this from 3 Wii fanboys that wandered on to property and made the discovery. Daniel Chambers recalls what he saw.

There was a huge room filled with Wii’s, a pit of lava, a pool full of sharks with lasers attached to their heads and one giant golden Mario. Worshipping at the idol were about 100 people. They were found swaying and chanting the name “Mario” over and over. Reggie was in front leading them through some sort of ritual in a white robe with a wiimote hanging from his belt. Then the two creepy Wii commercial guys brought in a child that was sacrificed to the “Mushroom Kingdom.”

Interpol was able to save the child and made several arrests. Agent Mitchell Tatar issued a statement.

We have apprehended several of what can best be described as cult members including one Reggie Fi… Fils… Aim…however the hell you say his name. We have also determined that the shortage of Wiis was caused by this hording of the popular console.

After being arrested, Reggie told the law enforcement officials, “…and I would have got away with it too, if it wasn’t for those meddling kids!”

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