A new study by Sarcastic Gamer has the scientific community baffled. Jeromy ‘Doc’ Adams reports.

“Gentlemen, we have reached a new era of solar research. We have come to the conclusion that playing Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare for an extended period of time can essentially accelerate the processes of sunrise and sunset.”

The study was inspired by reports of gamers everywhere, confused by the powers of the new shooter. Time appears to be accelerated exponentially according to the length of gaming session. Freak incidents of sitting down to COD4 in the evening, then glancing out the window afterwards only to find the sun at high noon.

When inquired about this information, COD4 developer Infinity Ward clarified.

“This is a feature we have built into the game in order to further enhance the multiplayer experience.” said the company. “If you don’t want time to disappear rapidly, simply equip the new ‘TylenolPM’ Perk, and the symptoms will deplete in about 60 minutes.”

Other side effects include headaches, dry mouth, fatigue, and an excruciatingly sore ass. Doctors recommend ‘standing up and getting a life’ once every two hours, in order to reduce the symptoms.

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