Click here for Part I!

So there we were: Lono, Rothbart, the Electronic Arts tag team, and me. We remained deadlocked in a vicious stare; the room would have been silent if it weren’t for those damn monkeys.

Peter Moore’s stomach was not getting any less red. His eyes began to bulge out of their sockets, and his legs began to shake violently. He opened his mouth and tilted his head upwards.

“I SUMMON THE MIGHTY POWERS OF THE GREAT AMERICAN GRIZZLY BEAR!” Moore bellowed. The red glow surrounding his stomach rapidly swelled, filling the room with a blinding crimson light. Yellow streams burst out of nowhere and swirled around him. Piercing loud screams came from all directions.

Find out what happens after the jump!

Then, the spectacle stopped. Everything created just ceased to exist, leaving Peter Moore on all fours, growling at us.

“You look exactly the same. What did that accomplish?” questioned Lono.

Moore lunged forward and tackled Lono to the ground. Deep snarling noises erupted from the fight. Drool flew out of Peter’s mouth, and he showed his teeth to his victim.

“He’s trying to bite me! This guy is crazier than he looks!” Lono screamed.

“Lono, I saw this in Call of Duty 4. Stay calm. All you gotta do is press the melee button and you’ll break its neck!” I advised, tossing him his trusty 360 controller. “Click the right stick in!”

*click* *click*

“You must not be doing it hard enough. Keep trying!”

*click* *click* *click*

“OH JESUS MY NECK! TELL MY WIFE I LOVED VIDEO GAMES MORE THAN HERRRR! *gargle*” were the last words spoken out of his now immobile mouth. Peter Moore ripped out the vocal cords with his teeth and spit them at me. I was clearly his next target.

A shadow appeared in the corner of my eye. According to my gaydar, it could have only been one man.

“Fear my red rings of death, you corporate brainwashed mongrels!” Doc’s voice echoed through the room. Two discs flew out from behind cubicles, striking Will Wright and the ‘bear’ directly to the head.

“Ow!” cried Wright, “what is that, a Frisbee? That really hurt, jerk.”

“Damn. I should have probably brought a gun or something instead of red Frisbees, for comedy’s sake,” said Doc.

I couldn’t believe the thought never crossed my mind before this. I retrieved my P99 from its holster, and shot both of the intruders right between the eyes.

“Well, that was certainly anti-climactic,” said Rothbart, wiping the splattered blood from the watch he was stealing from Peter Moore’s lifeless body. “Check out this sweet EA swag!”

“Yeah. I’m about to get some Lono swag myself,” said Doc.

And everyone cheerfully laughed.

The end.

Tweet This