by Matt ‘Volkov’ Schmidt
The gaming community was set ablaze for Master Chief & Co. last week, making all the little girls and boys happy for the third time in their seemingly miserable lives. But now, it’s time to shut up. The spotlight must be burning holes in your retinas.
In order to achieve this goal, I’ve had a heart to heart with the big man upstairs, and we came up with a solution. You may not agree with it. You may even think it’s disgusting and cruel. But it’s the best thing for all of us in this global society.
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|
Action |
Reaction |
| Individual mentions Halo | God kills a kitten |
| Press mentions Halo | God kills three kittens |
| Gameplay video released | God kills three kittens, then grinds their bones to make his bread |
| Sponsored tournament announced | God runs a kitten down a cheese grater |
| New Halo advertisement | God skins a kitten alive, then sells its organs on the kitty black market, making a healthy profit |
| New Halo-themed Xbox peripheral | God hangs a kitten with its own tail, stuffs it with candy, and then leaves it on a party store shelf |
| Halo 4 Announced | God just gives up on humankind and switches to a better hobby |
The Irony in it all: thousands of cats are suffering because of Sarcastic Gamer. Four were killed by the end of this post. Sigh — the writing job does come with its drawbacks. But life must fall in this harsh world.
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