Sarcastic Gaming News From Around the Globe!

October 5th, 2007 · No Comments

by Lono

In Sarcastic Gamer News this week…

Nintendo’s Stock hit an all time high today! In celebration, Nintendo bought Japan. Literally. Claiming that they’ve “owned” Japan for some time, Nintendo put its money where its mouth is and bought Japan out right for 3 trillion dollars in a blockbuster deal. As a result, Nintendo immediately changed the name of the country to the Mushroom Kingdom and renamed it’s Prime Minister, Koopa.

In other news….

The Tri-Star Leger Newspaper in Rock Island, Illinois uncovered quite the discovery. It seems that Brock Brockerson of Rock Island is the sole owner of the last unbroken Xbox 360. The Microsoft made gaming console went through a rash of repair work as the summer heated up, but the consoles failed to cool off. After a long search for the only pristine Xbox 360 in the USA, Brockerson came forward with his startling tale.

“I just got it a week ago, so I’m expecting the worst. The good news is that during that time, I’ve already beaten Halo 3! Dang that game was short.”

Across the globe….

Sony cancels Christmas! A French gaming magazine indicated this week that Sony was set to unveil a “Big Bang” style announcement on October 12th. Since that time, speculation has surrounded the pricing of their current next-generation gaming console the PS3. Under the weight of gamers’ anticipation, Sony released their official statement early and said:

“At this point, with GTA IV, Unreal Tournament III and the delays of dozens of other titles, Sony has decided to postpone all gaming titles until after Christmas.”

This announcement came as a shock to one gaming analyst, “What! That is bull$#!t! Great, just great…. Another three months of Motorstorm.”

That’s it for this week in Sarcastic Gamer News. Next week:

Bungie joins Nintendo to make the next Diddy Kong Racing game for the Wii.
Psychonauts to be remade for the next generation of consoles and once again, no one will buy it!
Shock! Madden to release a Madden Football in 2009!

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