I just read some strange stuff on Wow Insider regarding their “tips” on what you NEED to know when making your role-playing character.  We’re not talking about playing doctor or the naughty teacher, or the naughty maid or the naughty superheroine… Or maybe we are?

The article said that choosing a character was like finding out who you are. I have a hard time believing this. I know that there is a 90 pound virgin out there, that hates the outside, playing WoW right now whose character is a 7 foot,  two handed sword wielding, juggernaut that runs through the Forrest slaying beasts of all sizes. What does this say about him? It says that he over-compensates.

According to the author, the fear of your character not being the one you want should be put aside. Your first character might not be the one you take all the way to 70. I would think that this fear is important in an MMO. The thousands of man hours you spend on your character had better be spent on something that will eventually pay off, at least a little, in the end. I say, be afraid of the hours of your life you will not get back. Use them wisely. How hard would it be to get to level 30 and decided that you want to be a different character? (I bet that takes a while.) Who wants to have to go through all the tedious crap you just went through, all over again.

 Probably 70 pound virgins…

The next step is to choose your player’s personality. What this means is… I have no idea what this means. I thought your personality was your player’s since they just went out and killed things. Isn’t your online interaction with other players whatever you want it to be? The article used words like “seductress.” I know there are supposed “porn like” guilds, but come on people. I have not heard about Blizzard allowing the characters to mate with each other, so it must all be by typing or talking.

“Spank my stinky, green, Orc ass!” Yeah, that sounds sexy to me…

I think they forgot to add a few sections, like:

Sexual Confusion and you: Being a man trapped in a female elf’s body!

Sexual Confusion and you: Falling in love with a female elf that is actually a man!

Gold farming: bots do it better!

10 ways to avoid daylight.

10 ways to stay absolutely still for hours at a time!

Use Your Middle Finger: How to avoid carpal tunnel syndrome.

I’m glad that we have that out of the way. Now that you’re without fear and a personality, you’re ready for the World of Warcraft. You shelled out the cash for the game, expansion, and subscription. Better enjoy the hell out of it, because in this case time is money.