Sarcastic Gamer Exclusive by GQ Smooth AkA PacManPolarBear

Games for Windows secrets revealed! We’ve received recently leaked emails, minutes from staff meetings and interviews within the growing Games For Windows’ developer community that has shed a new light on the future of the program.

Armed with this super-secret info, I traveled to Redmond , WA to get the scoop from Microsoft on their Games for Windows Line-Up. Here are the highlights from the interview I conducted earlier this week.
GQ Smooth: “So what are Microsoft’s plans for the new Games For Windows Line-Up and how does that relate to the intended merger of PC and console gamer?”

J Allard (Corporate Vice President at Microsoft) replied: “Games For Windows is the first step in converting PC gamers into Xbox gamers… By supporting our Xbox titles and community over their PC counterparts, we intend to make the Xbox 360 the only place to turn to play functional titles…”.

I also spoke with Shane Kim (Corporate Vice President, Microsoft Game Studios) regarding the lengthy certification system for PC game updates. He told me:

“It is very necessary. With the growth and huge success of PC Beta testing, we needed to make sure PC titles are not released bug free. I mean, if people ever realized how much more advanced PC titles are, who would want to play the spec’d down version on the 360? By forcing all of our affiliates to wait 2-6 weeks for Microsoft certification for their updates/patches, we ensure those titles will be unplayable during that time…”

GQ Smooth: But won’t those same patch/update delays also hurt the Xbox version of your games?

Shane Kim:“Of course not. We force our affiliates to work on a separate division dedicated to improving the Xbox version of our Games For Windows Line-Up. We can release the patch on Xbox Live within hours of the patch being finished.”

Following that eye-opening interview, these email exerpts we received are starting to make a lot more sense…

Here’s an exerpt of a super-secret email we received from Petroglyph Entertainment (Makers of Universe At War) regarding their feelings on the Games For Windows’ Program.

Adam Isgreen (Creative Director): “Man am I glad I left Westwood when EA took over. Working under the Games For Windows’ banner is amazing. It’s fun to get paid to twiddle my thumbs, waiting for certification of a patch. I have put almost two years of my life into this game, I am so sick of this dang game. I hope the PC version of UaW really sucks…I mean who wants to play an RTS with a keyboard and mouse anyway?”

Leaked staff minutes from a recent Flagship Studios (makers of Hellgate: London) meeting revealed their take on the certification and Xbox Live issues.

Erich Schaefer (Chief Creative Officer): “I look forward to killing the PC MMO genre. Upon release, when we become totally under Microsoft’s control for our servers and updates, we should really see people flee from PC MMO’s into the waiting arms of the Xbox community…”

it continues…
“Sure, we have gone to extreme lengths to make this game LOOK amazing, but we all know it is a trick. People will buy it because we have hyped it so much…but once they have to start waiting months for new content and bug fixes, they’ll gladly trade in the game for cash towards an Xbox purchase. If that doesn’t do the trick, the terrible Xbox Live to PC stability issues will! Which is just…fantastic!”

I also hit the streets to gage the reaction to this news from a gamers perspective.

Average PC Gamer: “You know, at first it was fun to play games at their best, at the bleeding edge of tech. Then I stopped and thought about it. Stepping back 3 years in equivalent PC tech to play on a console sounds great! I don’t want my games to look TOO good, you know? Besides the PC gaming community has gotten too mature. I miss hearing “I’m so drunk,” and “hack0r newb” oh, and of course the random ethnic slurs…jumping into the younger Xbox Live community will be a breath of fresh air!”

Average Xbox 360 Gamer: “At first I was like ‘I’m so gonna pwn these PC gamers when they join our community using titles with both Xbox and PC connectivity.’ I mean how can mature gamers who have been playing for years possibly defeat 14 year olds on a sugar high? I am a little worried…what if all these PC gamers come over to the Xbox side and we actually have some real competition online…sorry gotta go, my Mom is calling me…”

I asked Microsoft to respond to this information. I asked if the PC versions of Halo 3 and Gears Of War were already completed, but purposely held back to improve Xbox 360 sales, but received no definitive answer. Though both Allard and Kim exchanged knowing looks and winks…