Labor Day – Enjoy the Fruits of Your Labor

September 3rd, 2007 at 7:49 pm · No Comments

Editorial by Matt SchmidtIn the states, today is Labor Day: the national holiday which gives the people more time to slack off than they already do at work and school. For me, classes start tomorrow, so I have to start knowing what day it actually is.

But, Carpe Diem, Seize the Day! I must cram as much nothingness into one day as humanly possible. Cutting down video games to just 6 1/2 hours a day when classes start is going to be painful, so today’s last meal must be planned carefully.

10:02AM: Wake up. Look at the clock. Grunt. Go back to sleep.

11:35: Wake up from the sun beating down on my face. Curse at various deities for creating such a monstrosity. Draw shades. Pass out.

11:59: Accidently roll off loft. Sleep continues via mild concussion.

12:45PM: Sit up quickly from dreams of harvesting little sisters from Bioshock. Walk over to computer.

12:46: Load Bioshock.

12:48: Play Bioshock.

1:55: Game crashes from an instant message popping up. Tell girlfriend to piss off. Block her. Go downstairs in hunger-driven rage.

2:09: Eat cold ravioli out of can.

2:17: Play Battlefield 2. Join MEC. Death to America!

2:52: Realize playing Strike at Karkand 20 times in a row gets boring. Quit.

3:01: Get into argument with Lono over what the best color is.4:36: Win argument.

4:37: Start throwing back Jaegerbombs.

5:22: Drop acid.

5:49: Drunk dial Mom. Ask what color panties she has on.

6:41: Boot up Animal Crossing. Enter vortex of swirling colors and cuteness.

8:10: Peer into the 4th dimension. See future. Halo 3 sucks.

10:45AM Tuesday: Wake up face first in the toilet. Remember class starts in 15 minutes. Die.i swurrr to druNK im not god. all yous are my friends soooo come too FORUMS pleez.


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