In case you’re one of the many folks who have just recently found Sarcastic Gamer, we thought we’d share THIS little nugget from the Broken News Archives.
World of Warcraft Deleted!! Blizzard to Thank!
by Matt “Volkov” Schmidt
Originally Posted 6/29/2007

“What?!?” 27 year old Tony Johnston shouted, tears streaming down his face, “What the #$!& is going on?!?”

Millions of gamers rose out of their Cheeto-dust-covered bed sheets this morning, only to find that their World of Warcraft accounts have suddenly gone AWOL. The world of Azeroth, once covered in a plethora of Night Elves and Tauren, is now nothing but a wasteland; a ghost town of virtual space.

Why? Shane Dabiri, Blizzard Entertainment’s producer of the game, explains:

“We were just sitting in our offices yesterday, cranking out the next mundane expansion pack, and everyone came to a realization: this game is really boring. Not just the new expansion, but all of it. Every single line of code we have written has contributed to this giant waste of time. 8 ½ million different players on WoW? With all those brains put together, we could have had an AIDS cure, flying cars, or even a much better game developed by now if it weren’t for us creating this disaster.”

At approximately 1:30 AM PDT, Blizzard’s sysadmins wiped terabyte upon terabyte of user data from their servers. At 2:45 AM, it is estimated that many WoW players started writing their suicide notes.

“I just don’t know what to do anymore.” Johnston said, “World of Warcraft was my reason for living. I sold my gold pieces online to keep my account subscribed, my broadband connection up and for my hemorrhoid cream. Now there’s no reason to have any of them.”

Activision, Valve, Electronic Arts, and other publishers of real games saw their stocks soar today upon the announcement. Interestingly enough, Blizzard stock also rose, investors pleased that “there is still hope for the people of the modern world.”

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