Commentary by Matt Schmidt

You may have seen these new commercials springing up on testosterone channels such as ESPN, SpikeTV, G4TV, and Oxygen, detailing macho men and their quests to become the ultimate Madden football champion. If you haven’t, there is always the official Maddenite website.

It was once my life goal to master superstar mode and quarterback vision. Now, with the release of Madden ’08, I get to have key “weapon” players, and use these weapons (in addition to their lacking counterparts) to build up virtual achievements in my virtual “Trophy Room”. One can only dream of being able to virtually spit-shine my “Greatest Player Ever” plaque.

But how do YOU become a Maddenite? Follow these three simple steps.

1. Memorize the date August 14th release date. Etch it forever into your skull. Every August 14th thereafter, you must sacrifice a small mammal.
2. Get racially diverse friends. Racially diverse meaning Caucasian or African American. You *can* have Asian friends, but it’s similar to Y being a vowel. Use sparingly.



3. Buy the game for all 9 platforms it’s being released on. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen 2008 on a Gamecube.

Now, who’s up to run the virtual 40-yard dash with me?

Are you a Maddenite? Head over to our FORUMS and tell us why, god, why!

Tweet This