by Sean “rothbart” Workman

New York, NY - August 17, 2007 - Entertainment Software Rating Board president Patricia Vance called a press conference this morning to announce a new jurisdiction for ESRB ratings. Addressing a crowd of gaming and entertainment press, Ms. Vance proceeded to outline the ESRB’s new program for videogame controller safety called Controller Responsibility And Precautions.

Ms. Vance admitted the ESRB felt this step was necessary since the release of the popular Nintendo Wii but industry resistance caused delays that have kept the program from being launched until now. Today’s announcement from IN2Games of their REALPLAY line of motion sensing peripherals for the popular Playstation 2 videogame system was the ESRB’s signal that the time to roll out their new program was now. “We are looking at over 100 million people that may be waiving controllers around in the air, someone is likely to lose an eye if we’re not careful!”

Most of the safety precautions presented were understandable, however a few of them left us scratching our collective heads. “Any motion sensing controller is required to have one tightening safety strap per handle.” Does this mean the SIXAXIS needs two safety straps, and the Wii’s Nunchuck controller needs it’s own strap?

“Any controllers with cords not leading directly to the console needs anti-choking precautions.” Are we going to need a neck-shield for the Nunchuck controller’s cord won’t strangle us mid-game? I do have to admit it would’ve been handy to have some sort of protection against that a couple of times recently.

“Any motion controller that may be used in a striking, stabbing, or chopping motion will need protective padding.” I wonder if I can just shove my Wii-mote into one of those giant foam fingers?

After detailing all 37 precautions they had prepared, Ms. Vance walked off stage and was seen smiling and shaking hands with a very jubilant Don Mattrick. More on that story as it develops.

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