by Matt “Volkov” SchmidtOn a day drawn with October winds
The campus was quiet, except from within
Hippies and nerds and emos alike
Stuffed in their dorm rooms preparing to strike.

My smelly roommate and his dirty cronies
Directly abused my handheld by Sony
They stunk up the room, to the door I escaped
Forgetting my Puspa was the biggest mistake

The very next morning, dawn came over dusk
My nostrils shrank with a whiff and a huff
The anime nerds had trashed the whole place
Cheeto dust airborne and no room to pace

But on the back of my couch was a terrible sight
Off-brand Dr. Pepper dripped down the height
My eyes widened and stirred, head shaking twice
Some effing rank nerd destroyed my device!

My poor PSP just sat in the mess
Corn syrup bled through its solid black dress
Despite my best tries, the power just died
I VOW TO THE GODS TO TAKE THOSE ALIVE

TO TEAR OFF THEIR HEADS AND BLACKEN THEIR FACES
MY VENGENCE IS HEARD TO ALL TYPES AND RACES
YOU WILL ALL PAY FOR THE DEED YOU HAVE DONE
YOUR OWN PERSONAL HELL HAS JUST BEGUN

One last chance, I gave Gamestop a holler
“You didn’t purchase the warranty for 25 dollars.”
With time to kill, and chicks to impress
I ditched the Pro Duo, and bought a DS.

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